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10 October 2008 @ 04:30 pm
Think back to five years ago... what were you doing? I was having my sweet sixteen, getting my sweet sixteen kiss from Jon Hackett and hating it ( he went for it before i could push him away!) And wishing that my best friend would see me as more than just a good lay! I can't believe how things change sooooo much. I found Troy and though that i was in love.... boy was i wrong. I wanted to run away with that boy. But he was my first real boyfriend but def. not my first love! When we broke up i thought the world was ending. I got really really into cutting and went to the hospital for the first time!!! I had sooooo many friends and i did a lot of stupid things. Dan and Rick were around all the time. And i wanted Rick to be mine but he was scared.I snuck out all the time and my mom was always gone!!!! 17 i think is when i started to date my first love... Jayson. I saw him and wanted him from the first day i saw him. We dated and fought and got serious and fought, and fell in love and fought. I let my mom control a lot of the relationship. which thought me to never let her do that. I think we were better as friends than as lovers. I needed a lot of attention and he did not want to give it to me! I am now more independent! But when we broke up for good the last time it hurt so bad. Worse than  Troy! Because i was actually in to him. And like everyone else he left me for another girl. Sometimes i still miss hanging out with him.... not like that i love Matt. I just miss his sense of humor, his kindness, and his company. I miss his mom, and dad, and game nights. Cats, and mice! And that damn room hhahaha. 17 is when i stopped being friends with Laura and Emily! And started hanging out with Jenny and April and Megan soooooooo much. I gained a lot of weight and I was up Jayson's butt all the time!18 I was still with Jayson but hanging on with everything i could!!! I graduated that year and Jayson and I broke up! I started talking to Julius and Emily became my best friend again!!!!! I wanted Julius because i was heart broken. But after i got over that Emily and I were together everyday... this is no exaggeration. She was either at my house or i was at hers and we went down town all the time. We talked to millions of guys and done things that make me cringe to think about now.... we got drunk and walked around the circle all the time, drove with bottles in her car, we drove with strangers in our car. Ugh stupid. Then Jayson and I sorta got back together... but not for long he decided he liked someone better. But thats when my life became so much fun with just my girl friends and i miss it. We had so much fun, so many parties so many boys!!! And we met these guys that we hung out with every night and i had a thing with all of them and so did emily and jenny. This melted into me being 19 ! This is when Loran and I became the best of friends and we were so much alike and like the same music. All of us went to clubs in ohio because we could get in! Then i Met the worst person on the planet. James Dale Aulby! I am not playing when i say i got on Myspace and looked for a guy i knew would go out with me. He lived in a fraternity house and i thought that was so cool. Everyone there became like my brother. He is straight edge and he hated it when i drank. He tried to control me. He was ugly but he was very sweet to me... at first. He hit me a few times. he bit me, he called me every name in the book, HE cheated on ME five times... how.. i don't know. Then the worst happened i can't even say but something happened that stays with me until i die and i cant get rid of it. I wish he would move to Alaska! He lives in Franklin and goes to Franklin College... yeah thats far away but.... My best friend is married to one of his brothers!!! He was at her wedding and it was the weirdest thing! I finally got over him and met someone one else online.... big mistake. I met clingy Jake who liked pregnant porn!!!! Weirdo!!! Then Laura called me and asked if i wanted to meet someone. Of course i said yes. His name.... Matthew Thomas Beals! I love him so much. From the get go i thought he was to good for me and too sexy for me! But he taught me i deserve him!!! We hit it off fast!!! Then he got kicked out of his house. And my mom said that he could live with us!!!! We had a few rough spots. Dave beat the shit out of me and we moved in with Emily, Joe, Anthony, and Jermiah, which he ended up leaving. And Joe went back to school. I had to move back to my moms and EMily and i suffered from it and stopped talking! A few months before Matt and I moved out Emily and I started talking again and although i was not in her wedding like i was supposed to be i got to see her walk down the aisle!!!
My life has been so crazy but i would changed it for the world. Who would of thought i would be engaged, living in an apartment with my baby, planning our wedding, looking for a house, and talking about having a baby in a year or so. My life is great right now!!!! Now Laura and Emily and even April are my friend again. Loran and i don't talk at all. Things just change so fast and things i thought i would never do and or see have happened!!!!

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